Wednesday, June 24, 2009

What Do We Talk About Now?

After publishing three articles on divorce and how it affects families and finances, I received many, many emails and comments via my Facebook page. At this point, I just don't what else I can say about the issue. Honestly, it was a very emotional post for me, and those who commented did so with emotion as well.

I wish I could tell you that I did everything right when I went through my divorce, but I didn't. I made many, many mistakes. I wish I could take those back and re-do that period of time in my life, but I can't. What I can do now is move ahead, hoping for the best for all four of us.

When people are separated, the emotions are high and the environment is tense. People say things they don't really mean, all as a means of self-preservation and self-protection. The best analogy I can think of would be that of a man who had endured the battlefield during an intense war and later suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTS). I can elaborate on this, but you probably get the point.

With this in mind, it's easy to say that people should and can forgive and move on, but some just find it hard to do so. I did. It has taken me several years to forgive the actions of the other parties - my former spouse, friends who took sides, and acquaintances who barely knew us but had an opinion about it all.

It's very difficult to start over when your life as a married couple was what ours was. Overall, we had a good marriage and a great home life, but pride, arrogance and unforgiveness just got in the way and we couldn't get past those things.

In retrospect, I've learned a lot from the divorce: how to forgive when it doesn't feel good to do so, the importance of letting some things go that won't matter a year from now, centering on the positive things in life, striving to do the best with difficult situations, and more. I guess the biggest thing I've learned from all of this is that I have to be authentic, honest. No secrets. No hidden agendas. No facades.

Without revealing confidential things that caused our divorce, I will say that I am mostly to blame. Selfishness was the biggest thing that I am guilty of, manifested in several different ways. I did not cherish my wife enough to put her ahead of myself and my own selfish desires. It was during this time that God was not first, as I desired and said He would be. If I had to do it all again, I'd definitely make major changes in my life to put God first, followed by my spouse and family.

Divorce does put things in perspective. I'm in the business of helping people find homes and helping them sell their homes. But in all reality, bricks and mortar and wood and nails don't mean a whole heck of a lot if there's no one there to enjoy it with you.

Our divorce was a painful one and while it was, it's been one of the best things I've had to endure. It changed my life for the better because of what I've learned and what changes needed to be made. Thank goodness God gives us second, third, fourth, .... one million, two hundred fifty-six thousand, nine hundred thirty-three chances, and more. How blessed I am.

I've shared this today, not for you to feel sorry for me or to have pity on me, but to share where I've been as a hope that you won't find yourselves there. I am blessed beyond imagination and am grateful for the relationships with you that I currently have. Blessings to you all .......


No comments: