Tennesseeans Can Claim Highest Drop in Credit Card Debt

Tennessee residents have the highest drop in credit card debt in the US, as reported by the Nashville Business Journal. Way to go, Tennessee!

Since our economic downturn, people have come to the sober reality that they need to change their spending habits. And, personally, I despise debt. At one time, I lived with plenty of debt. Yes, my credit score was in the mid-700s, but divorce created havoc with that high score. As a result, I decided to make a change in my financial life.

I'm not one to tout celebrities or to endorse anything frivilous, but today I can wholeheartedly recommend Financial Peace University. Dave Ramsey, FPU's creator, has lived through several bankruptcies, high debt, and the loss of lucrative income. People have learned, like Dave, that living in and with debt is not the best way to go.

Last fall I enrolled in an FPU class at Rolling Hills Community Church in Franklin. I was skeptical at first, because I'd dealt with some Dave Ramsey disciples - people who think that they should always buy real estate low and sell real estate high, regardless of the market. After a few weeks, I was SOLD! The principles are timeless and trustworthy. Now my goal is to get completely out of debt and enjoy my life.

Since that class, I've made a conscious effort to pay off every debt, buy only what I need, and to strictly budget for any and all expenses. Retirement is only 20 years away, so planning for that is crucial.

If you're in a predicament, or if you just want to live a clean financial lifestyle, take a chance on the FPU class. You won't go wrong. To find out more about Dave Ramsey and FPU, click HERE. Like me, you will definitely feel better, more at ease, stress free, and relaxed when you start chipping away at the burden of debt.

So, how is Tennessee climbing out of debt? The ARTICLE doesn't state how or why, but we can only hope that people are waking up to the reality that debt is not the way to live.

A Little More Than You Want to Know?!

Recently reconnected to an old college friend through FaceBook, I got inspired to do a Google search on her. My former college friend is now a Personality Trainer and an author. And Danita is mighty good at what she does! You can read about Danita by clicking HERE.

When we were friends at Oral Roberts University back in the 1980s, she actually introduced me to my first serious girlfriend, Shauna. For some reason, I was the "token male" at an intimate birthday party for a mutual friend, Cheshire, where we all had a blast. Needless to say, Shawna and I didn't work out (because I married Stephanie), but after all these years, Danita and I have reconnected and are enjoying remembering a little about the past, but more importantly, sharing what's going on with us in the present.

Reading Danita's blog got me thinking about what people know about me. Yes, most know that I'm in real estate and that I was once married and that I have two kids (one is a senior and one is a sophomore in high school). But do you really know me? After a very messy divorce, I made the choice to become guarded. Fortunately, over the last few months and weeks, I've been challenged by friends to let that guard down a little. So, here goes ....

- I like peanut Skippy Natural Peanut Butter right out of the jar. In fact, I've always had my "own" jar. Never used for sandwiches or peanut butter and crackers, it's exclusively for eating with a spoon. I like it best with organic skim milk that I've mixed with Hershey's Syrup.

- I live in a condo in Franklin, TN. It's the modest part of town. Convenient to downtown Franklin, I walk to the Starbucks at Five Points for a Skinny Vanilla Latte on cold winter Saturdays, sometimes when it snows, or on rainy holidays like today. I always have a scone with my latte, and while there, I peruse The Tennessean to find out what the local headlines say.

- I didn't choose real estate as a career; it chose me. Our family moved to Middle Tennessee in 2000 so I could take a job as a ministry consultant at LifeWay Christian Resources (no, not the store) and loved it. The church pastors and staff that I worked with were phenomenal people. After leaving LifeWay, I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I did know that I didn't want to work for anyone else. Real estate became the natural choice after talking with my former agent, Jan Page (she's the broker at the Crye-Leike Hendersonville, TN office).

- I love rain because it feels cleansing to me. The music of the rain in the morning seems to clear away any low times I may have been experiencing, and sets the tone for a brighter day ahead.

- As a kindergartner and first grader, my best friend was David Shearon. David's family moved to Laurinburg, NC when I was six and I cried over that. We visited them in Laurinburg a few times, then they moved to South Florida. The Shearons came by to visit once when I was about 14, but I wasn't home, so I missed them. With the invention of the internet and advent of FaceBook and Craigslist, I've been trying to find David, but no luck so far.

- I was never a morning person until I married to Stephanie in 1988. She taught me how to be more disciplined from the first part of the day until the last part of the day. I miss her stability like that and her confidence in me.

- My mother-in-law died of lung cancer in 2003. Losing her was like losing my own mother. She and I were alike in personality - outgoing, enjoyed people, etc. We were very close and I'm very glad that I had a wonderful relationship with her and that my children knew her before she passed away.

- I've lived in seven metropolitan areas as an adult: Tulsa, Richmond, Chicago, Erie (PA), Virginia Beach, Jacksonville (FL), and Nashville. The two places I'd love to live: Dallas (TX) and San Diego (CA), but they're too far away from my children. My favorite place? Jacksonville, FL because I love the ocean.

- On my Dream List: backpacking across Europe. If I couldn't backpack, I'd take a European trip and stay in hotels. Either would be fine. Another dream? To own my own restaurant in an old church building. It would be fine dining, so to speak, but with really great menu items, some of which were passed down from relatives. Other things on my Dream List: write a book, go to law school, and start a charity for divorced parents who have suffered at the hands of the courts.

- The best chocolate chip cookies I've ever eaten are from a recipe that Stephanie and I tweaked. She got it from the mom of a childhood friend. Everyone loves them. And the best chocolate pie in the world is the one that my mother makes. The recipe is from Peggy Shearon, our next door neighbor when I was about five or six back in Williamsburg, VA.

- I like to cook, and I'm pretty good at it, but don't like to cook for just me. When I do, I cook enough for multiple meals and take leftovers for lunch. Leftovers are much better than sandwiches or eating out.

- My kids (Annie and Hunter) are my proudest accomplishments. I've always told them that if I had to pick out any kids for the "Kid Grocery Store" that I'd pick them out every time, no questions asked. I dream about them about three or four times a week.

- When in college, I changed my major seven times. I started with Accounting and ended there, too, but experienced communications, biology, chemistry, marketing, music, etc. all along the way. If I had it to do all over again, I would have taken a break from college for a year to work, then would have returned to major in Marketing with a minor in Communications.

- Seven years ago, a friend challenged me. He said, "Jack, you have such high expectations that you are robbing yourself of joy." I didn't like the comment, but I seriously contemplated it. The next day I began my "Gratitude List". At first I didn't think I could list even 50 items over a lifetime, but I had that many within the first 10 minutes. They flooded out of me. I now have about 2000 things on my list. That list keeps me going because it's a constant reminder that God is in charge and that I can always have hope.

- I play several instruments, and enjoy playing piano the most. I haven't played in a while because I don't have a piano any more. My favorite piano I've ever owned was a baby grand that was in our living room. Hunter can play by ear, but Annie and I play solely by note. And, no, I won't play for your wedding, your Christmas party or your dinner. My piano teacher (Mrs. Garrison) was always on my case because she said I had loads of talent, but wouldn't practice enough.

- If I could do any job without getting paid, I'd do what I'm doing now - real estate. I love it that much, but have to get paid to live. I miss the ministry, though, at times, but have no desire to go back to working on a church staff. One day I'll return, but in a different capacity.

- As a kid, I was intimidated by sports because I was awkward and gangly. My interests today are backpacking, hiking, camping, working out, swimming, and running. Notice they're all basically individual sports. In college I took backpacking five times, even though I only got credit for it twice. I also took volleyball, tumbling and trampoline, and badminton. Looking back, those were actually fun to play.

- I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but we've made it through those tough times. Looking back, they helped me to be a better man.

- My dad taught me two very significant things: (1) Never make a decision when you're down; (2) Always be the best you can be in business - offer the highest customer service. Those two things have helped me greatly in life.

- At 50, I'm looking forward to a tremendous decade. My forties were challenging, so I welcome the change. I now know that I know less now than I ever did!

- My best friend is Richard Landry. Richard lives in New England, but we've been friends since we were sophomores at ORU (age 19). Richard has a great heart and has always been a friend to me, no questions asked, even in the most difficult of times. While not typically confrontational, he's confronted me when I've needed it, and he's joined me in celebrating joys in my life.

- I work at Crye-Leike, Realtors in Brentwood, TN (the corporate office) because I believe in my company and love the professional service that we choose to offer. While other firms are closing their doors or merging, we are opening offices and are still selling more real estate than anyone around.

- My clients are wonderful - I have been truly blessed. Most are referrals these days where past clients I've had are sending me wonderful new ones. I love it when a client trusts me to help them with their largest investment. And I enjoy seeing the "light bulb" go on when they either sell their home or find the one they want to buy.

- Lastly, I'm learning not to ask God, "Why'd this happen?" but to ask, "What are you teaching me about You and/or myself through this?" It's really tough to ask those questions, and sometimes I don't like the answers, but I figure I need those experiences to grow.

Wow! Now you know a little more ... maybe too much?! Thanks, Danita, for inspiring me to do this!

Only the Second Fattest?!

Boy, are we Tennesseans in trouble. According to the Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, we are fat, fat, fat, fat, fat! Not pleasant news for those of us who live here. Apparently, almost 1/3 of all Tennessee adults are carrying around a lot of extra baggage.

Disconcerting? Absolutely! Obesity is preceded by problems with low income, poor education and lack of access to nearby grocery stores and safe neighborhoods, and other issues.

Discipline is really the bottom line. How many of us are really disciplined enough to control our diets and to head to the gym or even outside for a brisk walk?! Are we willing to pack up the extra portions at our favorite restaurant and bring them home to eat for another meal?

I'm not sure about you, but I prefer to live a little longer. And the more pounds I put on, and the fatter I get, the less likely I am to live longer. My goal for the remainder of 2010? Drop a few pounds and get lean. Come on, it's not that hard

To read the entire article, CLICK HERE.
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Need a real estate agent who understands Middle Tennessee area and the real estate market? Give me a call and let me lend you a hand.

Attack of the Shopping Cart ... and a Little Insight Into Child Rearing

Hovered at the $1 Spot at a local Target store the other day, I came in contact with an unexpected shopping cart. Not more than three years old, the driver's aim was spot on. I was totally lost in looking at $1 gifts for my daughter, Annie, but was interrupted by the crack that I heard and the pain that I felt at my ankle. I looked up to see a petite little blonde boy who was hurriedly moving his parents' shopping cart faster than they could keep up with him.

Stunned by the sudden attack, I looked up and saw him there, oblivious to what had happened. Parental instinct told me that it was nothing more than an accident resulting from an over-eager little boy who was excited about going to Target.

Almost immediately, the parents rushed over and began fussing with him about hitting me with the cart. They fussed about his not listening to them, and swatted him on the side of his head. Finally, their attention turned to me and they asked, "Are you OK?" I was fine, but barely listening to my response, they proceeded to force the little tike into apologizing to me. Why was he apologizing? My insistence that they didn't need to hit him went ignored, and they finally just walked off, the little boy still unaware of what had happened.

A few seconds later, a Target employee greeted me as I rounded the corner of the $1 Spot asking if I was OK. After a brief conversation with the employee I was soon on my way to get a birthday card for my sister. While walking the aisles, I saw the parents and the little boy once again. I thought about my own children and how their mother and I decided to deal with them in times of crisis like these.

Before Annie and Hunter were born, we decided early on that there would be many times when they would "mess up". The test, however, would be in their motivation. Was the mess up an accident, something that could not avoided? Or was it the result of disobedience? After many discussions, their mom and I decided that punishment was warranted only when disobedience was the root of their choices. Correction for an accident would not result in punishment.

Had that incident been caused by one of our own children, we would have handled it a little differently. First, we would have apologized to the shopping for the accident. Second, only after we were assured the shopper was OK would we deal with our child. Calmly taking the child aside, we would have explained that he/she caused an accident with the shopping cart. Third, we would have punished him/her only if he/she had ignored our direction to not take the cart and walk with it without an adult.

The parents of this child were probably mortified by the accident and took the situation personally. After all, what parent doesn't see their child's behavior as a reflection them?! But, then again, how does a parent, in what they perceive as a safety violation, deal with a child expediently?

One of our goals was to raise our children to respect people, property, laws, and authority. If we react with haste without providing respect in our correction of our children, are we also disrespectful of them?

Studies have shown that parents have more influence on their children far more than any other source or person. And since no day with our children can ever be repeated again, why would we not make the very best of it?!

The True Spirit of Christmas

If you haven't taken your children to see Santa Claus yet, there's still time! In spite of economic downturns, job losses and a host of other challenges in our world today, Santa is still the beacon that all is right in the world at Christmas time.

When I was a child, I couldn't understand why we'd see Santa at so many places. My little mind thought that Santa was able to jump from department store to department store, and that he did it just in time for me to see him there. It wasn't until later that my mother, in her hopes of extending my make-believe world, told me that Santa has "helpers" to help him talk with all the kids because he was busy making the toys at the North Pole.

Sometimes today, I wonder if I know the "real" Santa. If not, he's mighty close. Last year, I met Santa Dick at Green Hills Mall working a seasonal job at the mall, and there we became friends.

Over the last year, I've had the opportunity to get to know Santa Dick. He epitomizes what Christmas is all about. Adults and children alike love this wonderful Santa because he genuinely cares about the children (and, yes, adults) that he meets.

Santa Dick recently told me about a little girl he met who understood the real meaning of Christmas. "I just want some balloons for Christmas," she answered when Santa Dick asked her what she wanted. When asked why she just wanted balloons, she told Santa Dick, "So other children who don't have toys can have my toys." Needless to say, by the end of that story, I choked up. That little girl, at her young age, understands Christmas!

How many of us really understand the true meaning of Christmas? I wonder how our economic recession has affected what we give this year. Maybe it's not as much or as expensive as we've given in the past. And that's good. It's time for us to slow down and just love and care about each other.

Do you know what the first gift of Christmas was? It was a baby, lying in a manger, who was born to take away the sins of the world. That unconditional gift is for every single person who ever lived before then, during that time, and since that time. It's for you and for me. Santa Dick would echo these same sentiments.

There's time to go see Santa ... and there's time for us to understand the real meaning of Christmas.

Merry, merry Christmas to all of you! May you be exceptionally blessed this Christmas.

All Around Tough Day

Ever had one of those tough days? You know what I'm talking about. It's days like today when nothing seems to goes right.

Oversleeping this morning, driving 90 minutes out of my way to pick up paperwork, arriving to work late, missing my 9 a.m. appointment, putting out fires that sprang up in the last few days, people being more sensitive than usual, goals not being met, conflict in relationships, rainy weather, a headache that won't stop ..... and the list goes on.

I wish I could tell you that I have it all together, but I can't - and don't! A few years ago, I admitted to a friend at work that I wasn't a superman. And while I felt free after sharing it, it devastated her. Sometimes we want people to be superhuman. But I can't be - ever! I'm just not a perfect man.

Chances are, most people have felt this way at some time or another. The frustration and hopelessness and defeat can get to all of us. I'm sure I can come up with some motivational quote about how defeat only makes us stronger and enables us to succeed down the road. And that quote may last a while, but it won't change our lives forever.

The truth is, while I don't feel very well today, I know that tomorrow will be a better day. My hope rests not in myself or my abilities, but within the person of Jesus Christ. Thank goodness for my relationship with Him. His unconquerable grace, mercy and love for me as His son gives me the hope that I cannot find within myself today. It's only through the power of God in my life that I know there's a better tomorrow, and that today's circumstances are just that - circumstances.

In Psalm 46, Israel was being pounced on. It seemed like everything was failing. Circumstances were difficult. Morale was low. Nothing seemed to be going well. But the promises of God crashed through all of those feelings of discouragement: (vv. 1-2) "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..."; (v. 5) "God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."; (vv. 10-11) "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

It's times like this when I have to change perspective. Circumstances don't determine my life and how I live it. God is the rock that holds me up; the glue that holds things together. Focusing on the challenges of the day only makes life more uncomfortable. By changing perspective to a view of God, His grace and mercy and His love make life worth pursuing.

How about it?! Would a change of perspective make your life better today? Give it a shot. I think it will.

Howdy Ya'll

Growing up in Virginia, I found most of my familial roots in neighboring North Carolina. My mother's folks were from the central and eastern parts of the state. My dad's relatives migrated up to southeastern Virginia from northeastern North Carolina.

When I went to college, I refused to admit that my roots were entrenched in the south and southern culture. My father, definitely a Tidewater Virginia native, pronounced things a little differently like:

- House pronounced as houes
- Out pronounced as ouet
- A Thousand pronounced as ah thoesend
- Store pronounced as stow
- Fork prounced as foke

At Oral Roberts University, I tried my best to eradicate my southern lingo and accent by replacing it with more neutral terms. I enunciated clearly and articulately as to not be mistaken for a southerner. I guess I was a little too uppity for my own self.

Now all that has changed. I can hardly wait to get back home to my southern roots in Virginia. I love listening to my dad speak his Tidewater-ease, visiting with my southern friends, and enjoying good southern cooking. Yes, we southerners like to have bread with our Thanksgiving meal, even though we have dressing. And we like our sweet iced tea. We enjoy our southern festivals and southern music. Friday nights would just not be southern Friday nights without high school football games in the fall. We like our quits and crafts. We love our North Carolina apples and Frasier Fur Christmas trees. And we love saying the word, "ya'll".

People I've met here in Nashville love the southern culture they experience. We have a lot to offer. And don't you forget it, ya'll.

The End of 46 Years; The Beginning of a New Era

After almost 46 years, my parents made a move. Not to downsize, but to a little larger place. Some people may think that's odd, but for them, my dad's health necessitated the move to a house with an open floor plan, a larger and private bath, and just one step off the ground. That translated into a little more space.

Today we're blessed because they were able to sell their 1220 square foot home for top dollar. They only came off $5,000 off their list price and sold the house in five weeks in a buyer's market.

Before the house was listed, my parents and I talked about what needed to be done to the house to get it ready to sell. They had already renovated their kitchen with custom maple cabinets and new appliances, covered all their exterior trim with vinyl, installed all new windows, and added central air to the house.

Since all of those things had been taken care of, then what really needed to be done to get it sold? There were three main things and several minor changes that we did to get the house sold for top dollar. Here's what they were:

MAJOR:
1 - Removed the old carpet and pad (27 years old) and refinished the hardwood floors.
2 - Painted the entire house with updated neutral colors. They painted the walls beige and trim was painted semi-gloss white.
3 - Staged the house. We removed oversized furniture out of the house and de-cluttered the accessories. We also removed most family pictures. This gave the house an open and airy feeling.

MINOR:
1 - Changed out all door knobs. The original brass knobs were severely worn.
2 - Changed one ceiling fan out to a smaller, more proportional one.
3 - Changed the dining room chandelier out to a smaller light fixture because the room was only 10x10 and the new light was more proportional.
4 - Removed all cornice boards/valences and replaced those with single rods and sheers on all the windows.

Built in 1952, this all brick house had been taken care of very well over the years. Removing the carpet and repainting it updated it considerably. By spending about $3,500 to take care of all of the major and minor things, our parents made an additional $37,000 on the sale. Was it worth it? We think so.
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In this market, you need a real estate agent who knows what to do to get your house sold for the price, terms and conditions acceptable to you. If you are looking for an agent who knows how to get a house sold, give me a call.

What Do We Talk About Now?

After publishing three articles on divorce and how it affects families and finances, I received many, many emails and comments via my Facebook page. At this point, I just don't what else I can say about the issue. Honestly, it was a very emotional post for me, and those who commented did so with emotion as well.

I wish I could tell you that I did everything right when I went through my divorce, but I didn't. I made many, many mistakes. I wish I could take those back and re-do that period of time in my life, but I can't. What I can do now is move ahead, hoping for the best for all four of us.

When people are separated, the emotions are high and the environment is tense. People say things they don't really mean, all as a means of self-preservation and self-protection. The best analogy I can think of would be that of a man who had endured the battlefield during an intense war and later suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTS). I can elaborate on this, but you probably get the point.

With this in mind, it's easy to say that people should and can forgive and move on, but some just find it hard to do so. I did. It has taken me several years to forgive the actions of the other parties - my former spouse, friends who took sides, and acquaintances who barely knew us but had an opinion about it all.

It's very difficult to start over when your life as a married couple was what ours was. Overall, we had a good marriage and a great home life, but pride, arrogance and unforgiveness just got in the way and we couldn't get past those things.

In retrospect, I've learned a lot from the divorce: how to forgive when it doesn't feel good to do so, the importance of letting some things go that won't matter a year from now, centering on the positive things in life, striving to do the best with difficult situations, and more. I guess the biggest thing I've learned from all of this is that I have to be authentic, honest. No secrets. No hidden agendas. No facades.

Without revealing confidential things that caused our divorce, I will say that I am mostly to blame. Selfishness was the biggest thing that I am guilty of, manifested in several different ways. I did not cherish my wife enough to put her ahead of myself and my own selfish desires. It was during this time that God was not first, as I desired and said He would be. If I had to do it all again, I'd definitely make major changes in my life to put God first, followed by my spouse and family.

Divorce does put things in perspective. I'm in the business of helping people find homes and helping them sell their homes. But in all reality, bricks and mortar and wood and nails don't mean a whole heck of a lot if there's no one there to enjoy it with you.

Our divorce was a painful one and while it was, it's been one of the best things I've had to endure. It changed my life for the better because of what I've learned and what changes needed to be made. Thank goodness God gives us second, third, fourth, .... one million, two hundred fifty-six thousand, nine hundred thirty-three chances, and more. How blessed I am.

I've shared this today, not for you to feel sorry for me or to have pity on me, but to share where I've been as a hope that you won't find yourselves there. I am blessed beyond imagination and am grateful for the relationships with you that I currently have. Blessings to you all .......

Jack

When Divorce Hits Home (Part 3)

My friend, Robin Crecink, in Virginia Beach, sent me this email today. I asked her if I could print it here on my blog and she agreed. I think Robin shares some significant insight into the present and future divorce situations. The goal in this series is not to whine about divorce, but insights need to be shared to help parents cope with the situation at hand, whether relational or financial. The insights Robin shares are from the relational side of the divorce. I wish I'd had these insights when we divorced three years ago.

Thanks, Robin, for sharing:

I enjoyed the insight of the divorce series. Just thought you might be interested in a few more nuggets of wisdom to share.

If children are involved, do everything in your power to stay involved in their life. Call frequently just to chat. Know their friends and their parents. Do activities that involve their friends. Go to Parent Teacher conferences. Help them with school projects. Make it a point to get to all performances and games. Be a soccer mom or a softball dad. Sign up to bring snacks. Volunteer in their activities. Offer to keep sick children. Take them on vacation with you. The majority of your vacation time should be spent with the people most important to you.

Never let your feelings for your ex get in the way of being with your children. We all deal with people on a daily basis who are not our favorite yet we work with them to accomplish some given task. Nothing is more important than your children. Get used to being with your ex for the sake of your kids. Don’t make your kids choose between parents on holidays and birthdays. Either parent should be welcome in whatever location the children are in.

Resolve never to discuss financial issues in front of the kids. Do not make your children messengers. Conflicts need to be resolved between adults and should not involve the children.

Teach your children to honor and respect the other parent. This means taking them to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day gifts, as well as birthday gifts and Christmas gifts for the other parent. It means helping them write notes of appreciation for special things. Nothing makes a child feel more important than presenting his parent with something he picked out. The respect you teach them will come back full circle to you.

Give extravagantly of your time and resources to your children. This is not about buying their love or spoiling them excessively. This is about expressing your love and building up a relationship with them. Investments of time can be as frugal as talking a walk in the park with a picnic lunch. Quality time is not sitting in front of the TV for hours at a time.

Remember child support is just that -- money for your children’s basic needs. When you write that check, think about your children, not your spouse. There are abuses on both sides of this issue, but more often than not, it is the children who suffer. Providing for children is expensive and involves far more than just clothing. Don’t expect your children to have a change in lifestyle because of your divorce. They should not have to give up for their parent's mistakes.

Take your child out to buy school supplies or other needed items without asking. Even if you can only get a pack of paper and crayons, your child will remember how their parents spent their time and money.

Remember, children are children long past the legal age of 18. Expect to help with college or career training. Neither parent's role ends on a birthday.

Plan on being involved with your ex for the rest of your life. As long as there are graduations, weddings, grandchildren and family celebrations you will want to be involved.

Divorce can be avoided IF the two parties will humble themselves and forgive the other person for their wrong actions. If you're in the early stages of separation or divorce, find a very wise family counselor who can help you iron out the issues before they get worse. Be selective and find one who WANTS to help you mend your marriage. It will save a lot of heartache in the end.
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While this agent wants to help you sell your home, if you HAVE to sell it due to divorce, my heart's desire is for your marriage to remain intact. Bottom line: divorce is just not worth it.

When Divorce Hits Home (Part 2)

Divorce takes such a toll on families everywhere. Sometimes the filing spouse may think that the relationship will end when the divorce is final. However, that's not the case, especially if there are children involved. The final date of the divorce is just the beginning of more and more headaches, if the two parties will not communicate.

While we've explored a little about the relational aspects of divorce, let's take a look at the financial challenges of divorce.

In Tennessee, the house may be in only one name of the couple, but Tennessee law dictates that BOTH parties have claim to the property. However, when both names are on the mortgage and the deed, a quit claim deed does not suffice enough to remove the quit-claiming party from ANY mortgage responsibility. Automobiles are the same way. Even though one name may be on the deed, it's considered joint property in Tennessee.

While I am not a financial expert, I am recommending some things that divorcing couples should be aware of:

1 - When quit-claiming the house and other real property, include a deadline date (in the divorce papers) for the receiving party to have the property refinanced into his/her name solely. This is the same situation for vehicles.

2 - When dividing other property like dishes, furniture, etc., be amicable. Nothing is worth fighting over.

3 - Check details on credit card obligations and pay off everything you possibly can before the divorce is final. Carrying debt is a huge burden that only gets bigger and worse.

4 - Mediate as much as possible and do not allow an attorney to tell you that you have to go to court. Things end much better if the parties will mediate.

5 - Get everything in writing. If one spouse is taking on all of the marital debt, have in writing that the other spouse is not responsible for it. This will save time and hassles down the road when applying for personal and mortgage loans.

6 - Talk with a CPA and an attorney who can advise you of the laws in Tennessee. Several friends have told me that they are just going to do whatever their spouses wanted, but when they received the papers, they changed their minds. Do your homework before making any decisions.

Before making any rash decisions, take a good long look at yourself. Explore yourself inside and find out what problems you have brought into the marriage. It's easy to focus on the other party's flaws, but both of you have brought issues to the table.

Divorce is never a pleasant subject to discuss, but because it's so prevalent in our society, it cannot be ignored. My heart's desire is for every couple to reconcile. Nothing is worth divorcing over when forgiveness can be given.

Why not think about it ......
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While divorce is unpleasant, sometimes it results in the sale of real property. Please give me a call if I can help you to get your current home sold and to help you find a new place to live.

When Divorce Hits Home (Part 1)

Nobody really likes it, but our culture has come to accept the "D" word as part of our everyday language. Most people in the US know someone who has been divorced or has been affected by divorce. Never did I ever imagine that we would divorce, but we did three years ago.

Just last week, in my men's Bible study, three men shared that they were going through divorce. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about the pain, anguish and disbelief I saw on their faces and heard in their voices as they shared the latest developments in their failing marriages.

Alone in my house, I began to contemplate about the what these men shared and it made me think back on the pain of my own divorce and all that we went through. There are some things that I learned and maybe those will be helpful to others who are going through the same things.

1 - RECONCILE, if at all possible. Even when things seem their darkest, it's best to "stick it out" and try to reconcile. Emotionally, divorce rips apart the two marriage partners and their children. Going through the divorce is far worse than the pain of reconciliation.

2 - MEDIATE, even when the temptation is to just go to court and let the judge make all the decisions. Communication is essential, but when or both parties refuse to communicate, the couple basically turns their lives over to the court. When the divorce was final for one of my friends, her attorney turned to her and said, "Congratulations, Mrs. So-and-so, you've just turned your children over to the State of Tennessee." In all truth, when this happens, the parents are little more than court-appointed guardians. Not only does mediation allow the two parties to retain control over their decisions, it's far less expensive than going to court.

3 - FORGIVE the other party, even when you don't feel like it. By forgiving the other party, the chains that keep the unforgiving person bound to bitterness and anger are broken. To forgive, you'll have to let the other person go.

4 - DO NOT DEFAME the other party. Doing so only accentuates and roots the bitterness and anger that the defaming person has. It not only hurts yourself, but also your children, extended family and friends. Early on, I made the conscious decision to not speak negatively about my ex-wife. To this day, I have honored that commitment and because of it, I am able to sleep peacefully at night.

5 - Surround yourself with OBJECTIVE FRIENDS. Too many times, people play the role of the victim and surround themselves with people who take their side in the divorce. The better situation is to find friends who can, and are willing to, challenge you to "do the right thing" in the divorce. Unfortunately, too many people enjoy watching the couple divorce as if it's a true-life reality TV show.

6 - Above all, HUMBLE yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you've done something wrong in the marriage. There is also nothing wrong with asking forgiveness from the other party. It takes two people to make a marriage and two people to break a marriage. No matter what the legal filings say, both parties are at fault.

7 - FIND AN ATTORNEY who is not going to battle it out in court. Divorce is a money-maker in Tennessee. Anyone can get divorced on grounds of "inappropriate marital conduct". This means that a wife can divorce her husband for being rude to her at the breakfast table. Divorce attorneys enjoy dragging things out, but that is often not in the best interest of the client or the client's children. Find an attorney who will encourage the parties to work things out together.

There's more on divorce next time with discussions about how real estate is impacted by divorce and what couples should do to protect themselves.
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This real estate agent has experienced personal divorce and has also represented clients who have gone through divorce. While painful, things can be worked out for all parties. For help with your real estate transactions, please give me a call and I'll be glad to discuss the process of selling and/or buying real estate as the result of a divorce.

National Volunteer Week

Three years ago, I was a nervous volunteer. Not sure about how to interact with patients and their families, I spent most of my time answering the phones, organizing cabinets, and doing other things that the staff asked of me. Now, my time is spent visiting with patients and their families, providing them with reading materials and/or food and beverages, or taking care of things that they need help with. I also have the opportunity to train new volunteers and help with various other projects the Volunteers Services people ask me to do.

April 19-25, 2009 marks the nation's National Volunteer Week and the month of April is National Volunteer Month. This week dates back to 1974 when President Richard Nixon signed an executive order establishing the week as an annual celebration of volunteering. Since then, every U.S. President has signed a proclamation promoting National Volunteer Week. Additionally, governors, mayors and other elected officials make public statements and sign proclamations in support of National Volunteer Week.

As one of 250 volunteers at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, I have the opportunity to work with patients and their families. I initially began volunteering so I could be distracted from a life-changing situation that had occurred just a few months before. Now, my own life is different.

The Burn Center, where I volunteer, is the only unit that provides medical services for both children and adults. People oftentimes wonder how I can "stand being up there" with people who are in such physical pain. The truth is that outside of two people, everyone else has an attitude of gratitude - they are grateful to have their lives back. Spending time with these individuals helped me to put things in perspective and to see that life's challenges are so minimal when it comes down to living and dying. What once seemed to be such large issues soon became very trivial things that had no significant bearing on my overall enjoyment of life.

Today, I was part of a 400-person banquet for the Mary Catherin Strobel Award at the Cool Springs Marriott. Volunteers who had been nominated by their respective organizations for the Mary Catherine Strobel Award were honored today at that banquet. I was very humbled and grateful to have received the award for Vanderbilt's Volunteer of the Year and the nomination for the Mary Catherine Strobel Award award from Vanderbilt University Medical Center. Thank you, Burn Center and Volunteer Services, for exceptional experiences with exceptional people.

Are you contributing your time and efforts to positively affect other lives? For more information about volunteering at Vanderbilt, CLICK THIS LINK. And for more information about area-wide opportunities, check out HANDS ON NASHVILLE. You can't possibly go wrong.

Are you looking for a real estate agent who is a leader at heart? If so, I am more than happy to give you a hand with all of your real estate needs. Please give me a call or shoot me an email if I can help.

Gratitude for Latitude

Most people don't think about being gratitude until Thanksgiving rolls around. Some families go around the dining room table listing things that they're grateful for. However, anytime is the best time to center around being grateful. Sometimes it's challenging to be able to say, "Thank you" for some things in life, but it will change the way you think.

Back in the summer of 2004, a friend challenged me to think about some things in my life. In my serious frame of mind, I realized that I was looking at what I did not have and not what I did have. Result: My Gratitude List. What I thought would be difficult to think of even 50 items has turned into a list of thousands of things. Through this exercise, I began to see things very differently. Even when life presented challenging and difficult situations, my attitude changed from frustration to joy.

To start, all you need are a pen and paper as well as the time to do it. I spend about 30-45 minutes each morning in my personal devotional time. This is when I take a few minutes to write a few things I'm grateful for. Typically, adding to my Gratitude List takes less than 10 minutes.

Samples of what I'm grateful for:
1 - My children
2 - Being born in Williamsburg, Virginia
3 - My good health
4 - A great church family
5 - Family who love me
6 - Swimming laps in the pool
7 - Color
8 - Beautiful snow
9 - Vacation to San Diego and seeing the joy in my children's eyes when there
10 - Sleeping well at night

These are somewhat generic, but you get the idea. Some of the things you may list will be personal joys, difficult times, and ordinary things you see and experience on a daily basis. Give it a try for just 30 days. Once you start, you won't go back.

What prompted me to write about this today was an email that I found in my email inbox. Crye-Leike Connections writers did an article on how thankfulness gives us more energy. I think they're right. To view the article, CLICK HERE. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

For help with your real estate needs from this agent who has a positive attitude, give me a call. I'd love to help you with buying a home, selling your current home, or both. Enjoy your day!